WASHINGTON, DC (AP) — In a White House press conference today, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld revealed that new evidence has surfaced that links Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. “According to reliable sources,” Rumsfeld told the assembled reporters, “bin Laden and Hussein have been lovers for almost a decade.”
Rumsfeld responded to questions about the nature of the new evidence by stating simply “You know I can’t tell you that,” but added that the new evidence confirms suspicions that earlier evidence had only hinted at.
“We have several times over the past few years intercepted Blue Mountain e-postcards from an “Osama Mama” to “Saddam My Ma’am”, but were unable to say with complete certainty that the principals were, in fact, bin Laden and Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.” Other evidence also indicated ties stronger than merely political between the few, but the administration was unwilling to express its suspicions until more conclusive evidence had turned up.
“Besides,” a stern Rumsfeld announced today, “we wanted to have something in the hole in case the whole ‘weapons of mass destruction’ gambit failed. As my friend, Secretary of State Colin Powell, likes to say, ‘Always have an exit strategy’.”
Be sure to watch the news next week for the announcement of new evidence to be discovered this weekend showing that Saddam and Osama collaborated on planning the 9-11 attacks–and Saddam actually did all the work!